Recently, I think my life is a little mess. Yes i will write it all down here because i think everyone will never open this blog of mine since my last updated was on July 2011.
I can say that I don't and can't enjoy my life because of something called school
Bad marks. I know that my marks are not really that good but not really that bad too actually
But my thoughts scared me. I really afraid of something bad will happen to me. I become paranoid now
My school, I can say, I kinda not like it
My highschool life is a mess now
I don't really like the teachers, rules, the atmosphere, etc
I really want to get back to junior highschool or just jump to college/university life
I'm in the middle of midterms now. With these paranoid feelings, this bad thoughts that always scared me, I tried so hard to stand up and rise up from sadness and stress that I build by myself
Until now, I really scared for what happen in the future
Words that people said about my clumsiness, my not-hardworking-on-test, my study method, all that stabbed my heart one by one are roaring inside my head sometimes and it makes me down and want to give up
Somehow, I can called myself as a strong girl. I've been through so much things, I keep fighting even though many people already hurt me or anything. I pray and pray to God everyday,
Well of course everyday I keep smiling in front of everyone, like nothing happens, like I'm enjoying my life. But in fact, now, I'm not
Here I just wanna let it out all my feelings these days. I maybe keep failing, but I'm trying to stand up now and always.I will always encourage myself to keep strong and be more stronger,
I know I should listen to all people said to me, but in this kind of state, I can't. It just makes me angry and badmood. So still, I'll try to accept my destiny-fate and face all the futures that awaits me, and keep trying, and forgot the bad past.
Always believe in God <3
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Nigtmare.
So about days ago, the news about my dear idol Ryutaro Morimoto from Hey Say JUMP who got caught smoking underage are spreading everywhere and anywhere. I absolutely so sad when I hear this news. I thought this is just a hoax or someone mistook it. But, some sites already talked about it, and that's where one of my biggest fear begin.
I still don't know this news is confirm or not, but I heard Johnny finally suspend Ryuu from his idol activities for 5 months. I just hope it's just a lie, or something or a prank. But sadly, this is the truth. I will not see one of my idol on tv or any magazine. This is just sad
I wish this is never happen. I just hope fans still positive thinking about JUMP, and still support them, especially Ryuu. Whatever decision that Johnny will make is the best, I just hope that.
I hope there's no bad rumor about this case. And if the news about Ryuu's 5 months suspend is true, I hope Ryuu will back to JUMP and everything is gonna be like usual. I personally curse the magazine who started this news with Ryuu's smoking pic, cause what I heard, Ryuu started to try smoking in the age of 14, but why they made the article like 2 years later? And the pic that they placed in the article is like a photoshoot. It's not papapic, cause he posed to the camera. I'm just confuse with this, I just hope this is just a misunderstanding and not Johnny's plan. Only God knows the truth though.
If you read this entry, please support them. Hey Say JUMP is one of great boyband with a talented members, including Ryuu. They need much support, and please DON'T JUDGE THEM.
I'm planning to make a photo to show my support, but I just don't get any idea now :/
And I hope Ryuu is already back on December, cause I'll go to Japan this December and planning to watch JE concert, hopefully it's JUMP concert
That's all about my opinion about this news, and my planning and my prayer. Hope JUMP wil continue without lose any member, cause without all 10 members, the group will not be perfect.
[EDIT] Again, there's a rumor about Ryuu. It said that Johnny will makes a new group called ABO or wahtever is that and Ryuu will be the member of it. I still NOT BELIEVE it though. And I hope it's not true and not happen. I don't like seeing my dear Ryuu in a new group except Hey Say JUMP or Hey Say 7. For now, I believe that this news is only a hoax, even though it says that it's already confirm etc.
I support Hey Say JUMP
I still don't know this news is confirm or not, but I heard Johnny finally suspend Ryuu from his idol activities for 5 months. I just hope it's just a lie, or something or a prank. But sadly, this is the truth. I will not see one of my idol on tv or any magazine. This is just sad
I wish this is never happen. I just hope fans still positive thinking about JUMP, and still support them, especially Ryuu. Whatever decision that Johnny will make is the best, I just hope that.
I hope there's no bad rumor about this case. And if the news about Ryuu's 5 months suspend is true, I hope Ryuu will back to JUMP and everything is gonna be like usual. I personally curse the magazine who started this news with Ryuu's smoking pic, cause what I heard, Ryuu started to try smoking in the age of 14, but why they made the article like 2 years later? And the pic that they placed in the article is like a photoshoot. It's not papapic, cause he posed to the camera. I'm just confuse with this, I just hope this is just a misunderstanding and not Johnny's plan. Only God knows the truth though.
If you read this entry, please support them. Hey Say JUMP is one of great boyband with a talented members, including Ryuu. They need much support, and please DON'T JUDGE THEM.
I'm planning to make a photo to show my support, but I just don't get any idea now :/
And I hope Ryuu is already back on December, cause I'll go to Japan this December and planning to watch JE concert, hopefully it's JUMP concert
That's all about my opinion about this news, and my planning and my prayer. Hope JUMP wil continue without lose any member, cause without all 10 members, the group will not be perfect.
[EDIT] Again, there's a rumor about Ryuu. It said that Johnny will makes a new group called ABO or wahtever is that and Ryuu will be the member of it. I still NOT BELIEVE it though. And I hope it's not true and not happen. I don't like seeing my dear Ryuu in a new group except Hey Say JUMP or Hey Say 7. For now, I believe that this news is only a hoax, even though it says that it's already confirm etc.
I support Hey Say JUMP
Friday, July 1, 2011
Itu Ceritaku, Apa Ceritamu? :3
Baik, kembali bersama saya dan bu Neti yang sedang bergalau dan bergila ria sekarang.
Jaman sekarang, iklan memberikan banyak pengaruh kepada masyarakat, terutama remaja dan anak-anak labil *wets bahasa gw*
Okeh, kami berdua saat ini sedang bergalau di tengah malam di MSN, sampe akhirnya kami membuat banyak cerita Indomie :)
Berikut cerita Neti bersma Indomie:
BAGAI MAKAN INDOMIE SENDIRIAN...... padahal dulu chinen selalu nemenin aku makan indomie. Sekarang dia sibuk, makan indomie tanpa chi . jadi beda.
Itu ceritaku, apa ceritamu :)
Cerita saya bersama Indomie:
INDOMIE BERCAMPUR LARASA...............biasanya aku dan daiki tuh masak indomie bareng pas malem2 ato pas lagi bosen. trus, biarr indomie nya turun ke hati, kita bikin nya pake larasa, karena dr larasa, indomie nya bisa turun ke hati.
itu ceritaku, apa ceritamu :3
Cerita bipbipbipbip bersama Indomie:
INDOMIE BERSAMA AYAMKU ....... setiap hari aku ol fb, meunggu ayam tercintaku, y***** r******, sampe dia ol sambil makan indomie. karena makan indomie, adrenalinku terpacu untuk spam wall dia pas dia ol. terima kasih indomie, sekarang mungkin banayk yg report as spam ke aku :):)
itu ceritaku, apa ceritamu *-*
Cerita Chinen Yuri aka Chii bersama Indomie (edisi Chiipe)
Indomie bersama DOMPETKU :) Aku doyan banget makan jadi uangku selalu abis buat beli makan. Tapi sejak aku makan indomie Uangku gak cepet abis :D Karena, jika diketahui harga 1 bungkus indomie adalah 1000 rupiah, maka dikalikan dengan jumlah pemakaiannya, 3x sehari = 3000 rupiah! terima kasih indomie sekarang dompetku jadi lebih tebel! titik dua bintang i loph you indomie
Okeh itulah cerita indomie kami disaat larut malam.
Itu cerita kami, apa ceritamu? :)
Jaman sekarang, iklan memberikan banyak pengaruh kepada masyarakat, terutama remaja dan anak-anak labil *wets bahasa gw*
Okeh, kami berdua saat ini sedang bergalau di tengah malam di MSN, sampe akhirnya kami membuat banyak cerita Indomie :)
Berikut cerita Neti bersma Indomie:
BAGAI MAKAN INDOMIE SENDIRIAN...... padahal dulu chinen selalu nemenin aku makan indomie. Sekarang dia sibuk, makan indomie tanpa chi . jadi beda.
Itu ceritaku, apa ceritamu :)
Cerita saya bersama Indomie:
INDOMIE BERCAMPUR LARASA...............biasanya aku dan daiki tuh masak indomie bareng pas malem2 ato pas lagi bosen. trus, biarr indomie nya turun ke hati, kita bikin nya pake larasa, karena dr larasa, indomie nya bisa turun ke hati.
itu ceritaku, apa ceritamu :3
Cerita bipbipbipbip bersama Indomie:
INDOMIE BERSAMA AYAMKU ....... setiap hari aku ol fb, meunggu ayam tercintaku, y***** r******, sampe dia ol sambil makan indomie. karena makan indomie, adrenalinku terpacu untuk spam wall dia pas dia ol. terima kasih indomie, sekarang mungkin banayk yg report as spam ke aku :):)
itu ceritaku, apa ceritamu *-*
Cerita Chinen Yuri aka Chii bersama Indomie (edisi Chiipe)
Indomie bersama DOMPETKU :) Aku doyan banget makan jadi uangku selalu abis buat beli makan. Tapi sejak aku makan indomie Uangku gak cepet abis :D Karena, jika diketahui harga 1 bungkus indomie adalah 1000 rupiah, maka dikalikan dengan jumlah pemakaiannya, 3x sehari = 3000 rupiah! terima kasih indomie sekarang dompetku jadi lebih tebel! titik dua bintang i loph you indomie
Okeh itulah cerita indomie kami disaat larut malam.
Itu cerita kami, apa ceritamu? :)
About #CHIIpe
Okeh, beberapa hari ini, kata cipe aka cina pelit sering terdengar dari mult ke mulut
Termasuk dari mulut gw
Tapi ternyata, menurut kamus besar bahasa Jepang, ternyata cipe itu berasal dari nama artis Jepang dari group yang sedang populer, Hey Say JUMP, yang tak lain adalah Chinen Yuri.
Oke biar saya jelaskan
Chinen Yuri, umur 17 tahun, lahir di Shizuoka pada tanggal 30 November 1993 ini (selebihnya cari sendiri di wikipedia ato om gugel) terkenal dengan nama panggilannya, yaitu CHII
Dan karena mukanya yang cute itu, maka terciptalah sebuah kata CHIIPE.
Berikut salah 1 bukti ke chiipe-an nya melalu suratnya ke teman saya, Neti bin Mesut:
Oh neti, matamu lebih mengkilat drpada uang logam
Oh neti, senyumanmu lebih hangat dr dompetku
Oh neti, suaramu lebih halus drpada uang lembaran 50.000
pengirimnya : orang chipe
Anda bisa liat nama pengirimnya aka si chinen. Anda bisa melihat ke chiipe-an chinen di tempat-tempat lain ato tertentu. Silahkan search sendiri bukti-bukti otentik lainnya
Sekian terima kasih
ceritainihanyafiksibelaka
Termasuk dari mulut gw
Tapi ternyata, menurut kamus besar bahasa Jepang, ternyata cipe itu berasal dari nama artis Jepang dari group yang sedang populer, Hey Say JUMP, yang tak lain adalah Chinen Yuri.
Oke biar saya jelaskan
Chinen Yuri, umur 17 tahun, lahir di Shizuoka pada tanggal 30 November 1993 ini (selebihnya cari sendiri di wikipedia ato om gugel) terkenal dengan nama panggilannya, yaitu CHII
Dan karena mukanya yang cute itu, maka terciptalah sebuah kata CHIIPE.
Berikut salah 1 bukti ke chiipe-an nya melalu suratnya ke teman saya, Neti bin Mesut:
Oh neti, matamu lebih mengkilat drpada uang logam
Oh neti, senyumanmu lebih hangat dr dompetku
Oh neti, suaramu lebih halus drpada uang lembaran 50.000
pengirimnya : orang chipe
Anda bisa liat nama pengirimnya aka si chinen. Anda bisa melihat ke chiipe-an chinen di tempat-tempat lain ato tertentu. Silahkan search sendiri bukti-bukti otentik lainnya
Sekian terima kasih
ceritainihanyafiksibelaka
Friday, May 13, 2011
The Rapid Video Download
Recently, I really distarcted by Johnny's Juniors.
So right now, I really have many videos to download, such as YanYan Jump, Shokura clips, KATTUN shows, etc etc. Like wow, I already joined many comms on LJ, to get more and more videos.
But thanks to the internet connections in Indonesia, which is super SLOW, each videos' esteminated time download is aboput 2 hours-3 hours, exept the one from YouTube. You do know that most of vidoes from LJ are using MF or MU, and it must divide into some parts, and must join it with HJSplit. Each part of it require 1-2 HOURS, or maybe more. Now I wish I live in a country that has a super speed internet connections.
Well, right now, because of this boy named JESSE LEWIS, I started to look at some Johnny's Junior.
My first want to get debut junior is definitely Hip Hop JUMP, cause there're Jesse Lewis, Tanaka Juri, Murata Rikito, Kento Kadoi, etc etc. And should I say: I LOVE ALL THE MEMBERS. They also dance very well as I can see.
Second, I wanna BI Shadow to get debut (and sorry, without Nakayama Yuma please) cause, yeah I think they alreeady get enough outstanding performances and already have many fans.Hope Johnny realizes this.
Okay next, this Juniors often appears in many shows and performances with their senpais, and I finally know their names! Like the usual juniors: Masuda Ryo, Takada Sho, Yasui Kentaro, Kyomoto Taiga, Anderson Cassey, etc etc. My favorite here is Yasui Kentaro with his adorable face <3
I'm stuck with Johnny's Junior, Hey Say JUMP, KATTUN, NEWS, and Arashi downloads now!
My ongoing downloads: YanYan JUMP ep 4, SMAPxSMAP 100 Juniors, NMP Concert Disc 2, Arashi's SCENE Concert, and Soukon!
And can you imagine day by day, a new videos keep coming and coming! T_T
Maybe I should really get another Hard Disk for this.
I'm so happy that I finally already pre-ordered JUMP's 'Over' single. I pre-ordered the LE one, and I remind you, better order it fast, cause in CDJapan, it's already sold out!
And I'm still in sort of gloomy these days~
So yeah, I also can't wait for my Singapore trip with my beloved friends <3
Oh and thanks for those who download my fancover XD
Until next entry~
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Currently:
Listening to: Snow Prince - Snow Prince Gasshoudan
Downloading: YanYan JUMP ep 4 (part 2)
Mood: ?????????
So right now, I really have many videos to download, such as YanYan Jump, Shokura clips, KATTUN shows, etc etc. Like wow, I already joined many comms on LJ, to get more and more videos.
But thanks to the internet connections in Indonesia, which is super SLOW, each videos' esteminated time download is aboput 2 hours-3 hours, exept the one from YouTube. You do know that most of vidoes from LJ are using MF or MU, and it must divide into some parts, and must join it with HJSplit. Each part of it require 1-2 HOURS, or maybe more. Now I wish I live in a country that has a super speed internet connections.
Well, right now, because of this boy named JESSE LEWIS, I started to look at some Johnny's Junior.
My first want to get debut junior is definitely Hip Hop JUMP, cause there're Jesse Lewis, Tanaka Juri, Murata Rikito, Kento Kadoi, etc etc. And should I say: I LOVE ALL THE MEMBERS. They also dance very well as I can see.
Second, I wanna BI Shadow to get debut (and sorry, without Nakayama Yuma please) cause, yeah I think they alreeady get enough outstanding performances and already have many fans.Hope Johnny realizes this.
Okay next, this Juniors often appears in many shows and performances with their senpais, and I finally know their names! Like the usual juniors: Masuda Ryo, Takada Sho, Yasui Kentaro, Kyomoto Taiga, Anderson Cassey, etc etc. My favorite here is Yasui Kentaro with his adorable face <3
I'm stuck with Johnny's Junior, Hey Say JUMP, KATTUN, NEWS, and Arashi downloads now!
My ongoing downloads: YanYan JUMP ep 4, SMAPxSMAP 100 Juniors, NMP Concert Disc 2, Arashi's SCENE Concert, and Soukon!
And can you imagine day by day, a new videos keep coming and coming! T_T
Maybe I should really get another Hard Disk for this.
I'm so happy that I finally already pre-ordered JUMP's 'Over' single. I pre-ordered the LE one, and I remind you, better order it fast, cause in CDJapan, it's already sold out!
And I'm still in sort of gloomy these days~
So yeah, I also can't wait for my Singapore trip with my beloved friends <3
Oh and thanks for those who download my fancover XD
Until next entry~
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Currently:
Listening to: Snow Prince - Snow Prince Gasshoudan
Downloading: YanYan JUMP ep 4 (part 2)
Mood: ?????????
Saturday, April 30, 2011
My Fancover
So recently, I really like to do some song cover.
I recorded all of it using my phone, so the voice is quite.umm..weird ?
And soo, I also share my songcover through mediafire.
This is what I called experience, so feel free to download and comment.
Thanks! :)
Link:
Tegomass - Moshimo kono sekai kara OO ga nakunattara: http://www.mediafire.com/?7wk3bg5sxxd5dgb
Yabu Kota - My Everything: http://www.mediafire.com/?d8rsw7w7y6j37ag
NYC - Yume Tamago: http://www.mediafire.com/?rjmaj277ygzka1z
Chinen Yuri - Ookiku nare boku: http://www.mediafire.com/?wegtmunab9dy5t6
I recorded all of it using my phone, so the voice is quite.umm..weird ?
And soo, I also share my songcover through mediafire.
This is what I called experience, so feel free to download and comment.
Thanks! :)
Link:
Tegomass - Moshimo kono sekai kara OO ga nakunattara: http://www.mediafire.com/?7wk3bg5sxxd5dgb
Yabu Kota - My Everything: http://www.mediafire.com/?d8rsw7w7y6j37ag
NYC - Yume Tamago: http://www.mediafire.com/?rjmaj277ygzka1z
Chinen Yuri - Ookiku nare boku: http://www.mediafire.com/?wegtmunab9dy5t6
When a girl can't hold back her feelings.....................
Okeh, pertama, entry ini dibuat karena gw akhir-akhir ini, atau bahkan..3 bulan terakhir ini sering banget galau + sedih.
Alasan: temen gw, yang dulu pernah gw cerita itu, yang gw panggil Yuta itu, beberapa bulan yang lalu ngedeaktif fb dia karena suatu masalah. Setelah dia aktifin fb nya lagi, dia mulai berubah.
Apa masalahnya ke gw ?
Perubahan itu bener2 ngeffect banget ke gw karena sampe sekarang, dia bener-bener nyuekin gw, atau bahkan lupain, ato lebih parah lagi mungkin dia benci gw.
Wall gw, message gw, ato apapun yang gw kirim sia-sia. Mungkin dibaca juga ga, gw gatau. Tapi biasanya, dia bakal setidaknya bales wall gw pas dia ol. Selama 3 bulan terakir ini, dia bener-bener nyuekin gw parah.
Kayak tiap hari gw mikirin gw salah apa ke dia, ato gw pernah ngomong apa ke dia, tapi gw ga merasa salah ato gimana. Tapi tetep aja, walopun temen gw udah nanyain ke dia, apakah dia lagi benci ama orang ato ga, dia jawab ga. Gw jadi mikir, sebenrnya dia tuh sengaja ngehindarin gw, ato disuruh, ato apa gw gatau.
Gw jadi takut buka fb begitu tau dia ol tanpa bales wall ato message gw. Kayak sekarang, gw ragu-ragu nutup tab fb gw ato ga. Yaa gw tau gw ga gitu deket banget ama dia, tapi setidaknya gw pengen ngobrol ama dia, maksud gw, setidaknya gw ga dicuekin ato gimana. Gw emang selalu berharap dibales, berharap suatu hari kayak gw bisa tiap kali ngobrol ama dia dll.
Bulan December 2010 itu sebenernya bikin gw makin berharap, sampai akhirnya gw sedih sendiri gara-gara gw terlalu berharap ama dia. Atau mungkin emang dia udah lupain gw, karena emang gw itu cuman passing by di profile fb dia, say hi, ato nanya-nanya sesuatu yang mungkin menurut dia hal yang ga penting.
Atau mungkin gw menyadari satu kesalahan gw, yaitu pas dia ol, di deket-deket dia off, gw baru kirim wall. Gw ngerti mungkin emang dia udah off, jadi dia ga baca wall gw ato gimana. Tapi seterusnya, sampe message dll bener-bener ga dibales sampe gw serem sendiri liat wall-wall sama message yang gw kirim ke dia tuh bejibun. Gw berasa kayak stalker dia ato terlihat banget gw bener-bener pengen dibales.
Pertama-tama gw emang berharap gw dibales biar kita bisa ngobrol trus kayak waktu itu.
Tapi sekarang tujuan gw ngirim wall ato message, sebenrnya gw pengen tau, dia tuh masih nyuekin gw ato ga, ato dia sengaja ga bales, ato emang dia ga liat gara-gara wall gw ketimpa wall yang lain.
Jujur gw merasa dia sengaja ato emang ga mau ngomong ama gw lagi.
Gw ga enak ama temen gw, kayak di setiap chat, gw bakal ngomong kalo gw tuh sedih gara-gara dia, galau gara-gara dia. Yang follow twitter gw juga kadang-kadang ato sering banget gw ngetweet 'miss him' 'miss you so much' dan lain lain itu sebenernya buat dia. Kayak, gw bener-bener takut dia benci gw. Gw ga papa jarang dibales ama dia, asal bener-bener ga dicuekin ato bahkan selama 3 bulan ini ga dibales ama dia.
Liat dia di video, denger dia nyanyi dll, rasanya gw merasa kalo gw emang mungkin gabakal deket, ketemu, apalagi sering ngobrol ama dia. Gw cuman bisa ngidolain dia, cuman sebatas gitu aja.
Tiap hari gw masih mikir, apa salah gw ke dia sampe kayak gitu, gw bahkan sering berdoa biar masalah ini selese, biar gw bisa liburan tenang, seneng, tanpa pikiran ato gimana. Gw tau sebenernya konyol banget buat mikirin kenapa gw ga dibales ama dia ato gimana, tapi gw masih terus kepikiran kenapa bisa kayak gitu jadinya.
Oke, gw akhirnya curhat di blog atas saran temen gw. Tapi gw bener-bener berharap, semua bakal balik ke awal, kayak December 2010 itu, pas hari gw ngobrol ama dia, pas gw at least bisa contact ama dia. Oke gw super lebay, tapi begitulah isi perasaan sama pikiran gw sekarang. Lebay, galau, sedih, ga bisa dideskripsiin.
Sekian curhat galau gw ditengah malam 1 May 2011, 1.00 AM
The sakura of love will never, in the soil of this heart, bloom again
but,
Once more, some day,
I'll walk down that path
to sow another flower.
-----------------------------------------------
Currently:
Listening to: Ai no Hana - Ueda Tatsuya
Mood: sad
Alasan: temen gw, yang dulu pernah gw cerita itu, yang gw panggil Yuta itu, beberapa bulan yang lalu ngedeaktif fb dia karena suatu masalah. Setelah dia aktifin fb nya lagi, dia mulai berubah.
Apa masalahnya ke gw ?
Perubahan itu bener2 ngeffect banget ke gw karena sampe sekarang, dia bener-bener nyuekin gw, atau bahkan lupain, ato lebih parah lagi mungkin dia benci gw.
Wall gw, message gw, ato apapun yang gw kirim sia-sia. Mungkin dibaca juga ga, gw gatau. Tapi biasanya, dia bakal setidaknya bales wall gw pas dia ol. Selama 3 bulan terakir ini, dia bener-bener nyuekin gw parah.
Kayak tiap hari gw mikirin gw salah apa ke dia, ato gw pernah ngomong apa ke dia, tapi gw ga merasa salah ato gimana. Tapi tetep aja, walopun temen gw udah nanyain ke dia, apakah dia lagi benci ama orang ato ga, dia jawab ga. Gw jadi mikir, sebenrnya dia tuh sengaja ngehindarin gw, ato disuruh, ato apa gw gatau.
Gw jadi takut buka fb begitu tau dia ol tanpa bales wall ato message gw. Kayak sekarang, gw ragu-ragu nutup tab fb gw ato ga. Yaa gw tau gw ga gitu deket banget ama dia, tapi setidaknya gw pengen ngobrol ama dia, maksud gw, setidaknya gw ga dicuekin ato gimana. Gw emang selalu berharap dibales, berharap suatu hari kayak gw bisa tiap kali ngobrol ama dia dll.
Bulan December 2010 itu sebenernya bikin gw makin berharap, sampai akhirnya gw sedih sendiri gara-gara gw terlalu berharap ama dia. Atau mungkin emang dia udah lupain gw, karena emang gw itu cuman passing by di profile fb dia, say hi, ato nanya-nanya sesuatu yang mungkin menurut dia hal yang ga penting.
Atau mungkin gw menyadari satu kesalahan gw, yaitu pas dia ol, di deket-deket dia off, gw baru kirim wall. Gw ngerti mungkin emang dia udah off, jadi dia ga baca wall gw ato gimana. Tapi seterusnya, sampe message dll bener-bener ga dibales sampe gw serem sendiri liat wall-wall sama message yang gw kirim ke dia tuh bejibun. Gw berasa kayak stalker dia ato terlihat banget gw bener-bener pengen dibales.
Pertama-tama gw emang berharap gw dibales biar kita bisa ngobrol trus kayak waktu itu.
Tapi sekarang tujuan gw ngirim wall ato message, sebenrnya gw pengen tau, dia tuh masih nyuekin gw ato ga, ato dia sengaja ga bales, ato emang dia ga liat gara-gara wall gw ketimpa wall yang lain.
Jujur gw merasa dia sengaja ato emang ga mau ngomong ama gw lagi.
Gw ga enak ama temen gw, kayak di setiap chat, gw bakal ngomong kalo gw tuh sedih gara-gara dia, galau gara-gara dia. Yang follow twitter gw juga kadang-kadang ato sering banget gw ngetweet 'miss him' 'miss you so much' dan lain lain itu sebenernya buat dia. Kayak, gw bener-bener takut dia benci gw. Gw ga papa jarang dibales ama dia, asal bener-bener ga dicuekin ato bahkan selama 3 bulan ini ga dibales ama dia.
Liat dia di video, denger dia nyanyi dll, rasanya gw merasa kalo gw emang mungkin gabakal deket, ketemu, apalagi sering ngobrol ama dia. Gw cuman bisa ngidolain dia, cuman sebatas gitu aja.
Tiap hari gw masih mikir, apa salah gw ke dia sampe kayak gitu, gw bahkan sering berdoa biar masalah ini selese, biar gw bisa liburan tenang, seneng, tanpa pikiran ato gimana. Gw tau sebenernya konyol banget buat mikirin kenapa gw ga dibales ama dia ato gimana, tapi gw masih terus kepikiran kenapa bisa kayak gitu jadinya.
Oke, gw akhirnya curhat di blog atas saran temen gw. Tapi gw bener-bener berharap, semua bakal balik ke awal, kayak December 2010 itu, pas hari gw ngobrol ama dia, pas gw at least bisa contact ama dia. Oke gw super lebay, tapi begitulah isi perasaan sama pikiran gw sekarang. Lebay, galau, sedih, ga bisa dideskripsiin.
Sekian curhat galau gw ditengah malam 1 May 2011, 1.00 AM
The sakura of love will never, in the soil of this heart, bloom again
but,
Once more, some day,
I'll walk down that path
to sow another flower.
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Currently:
Listening to: Ai no Hana - Ueda Tatsuya
Mood: sad
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