Recently, I think my life is a little mess. Yes i will write it all down here because i think everyone will never open this blog of mine since my last updated was on July 2011.
I can say that I don't and can't enjoy my life because of something called school
Bad marks. I know that my marks are not really that good but not really that bad too actually
But my thoughts scared me. I really afraid of something bad will happen to me. I become paranoid now
My school, I can say, I kinda not like it
My highschool life is a mess now
I don't really like the teachers, rules, the atmosphere, etc
I really want to get back to junior highschool or just jump to college/university life
I'm in the middle of midterms now. With these paranoid feelings, this bad thoughts that always scared me, I tried so hard to stand up and rise up from sadness and stress that I build by myself
Until now, I really scared for what happen in the future
Words that people said about my clumsiness, my not-hardworking-on-test, my study method, all that stabbed my heart one by one are roaring inside my head sometimes and it makes me down and want to give up
Somehow, I can called myself as a strong girl. I've been through so much things, I keep fighting even though many people already hurt me or anything. I pray and pray to God everyday,
Well of course everyday I keep smiling in front of everyone, like nothing happens, like I'm enjoying my life. But in fact, now, I'm not
Here I just wanna let it out all my feelings these days. I maybe keep failing, but I'm trying to stand up now and always.I will always encourage myself to keep strong and be more stronger,
I know I should listen to all people said to me, but in this kind of state, I can't. It just makes me angry and badmood. So still, I'll try to accept my destiny-fate and face all the futures that awaits me, and keep trying, and forgot the bad past.
Always believe in God <3
